Chris (Larien) 1372c Year of Wild Magic, Day 10-11, Marpenoth
DAY BEFORE: How I got here
It’s not that I regret being a mercenary. It’s good times. I get to travel, meet interesting people, and there’s always someone that deserves to get blasted into oblivion. It’s good money too…
But lately? The quality of my, shall we say “compatriots” has been lacking.
This week, for instance, Parlfray says that he had some work for me. Something about his ancestral home and bandits. The old man always pays well though, so I wasn’t really worried about the details. I arrived to discover that I had been teamed up with tweedle dee and tweedle fucking moron. Again… These two guys almost got me killed on the last job I went on with them. Their version of checking for traps on artifacts is “Oh, I’ll just stick my hand in it!” Almost got their damn hand cut off, and still triggered the trap in the room. Here’s hoping this time is different.
DAY ONE: Meeting my new best friends
Luckily, it turned out that we were only part of a larger group of hired help. Parlfray has apparently worked with these guys before and they’ve gotten results. From the looks of them, they can probably handle themselves. They even have a healer with them! Looks like these guys are in it for the long haul, which is good. Get rich quick types usually just end up getting dead quicker.
We met up with a local Ranger named Cooper too. This must be fairly important if there is so much man power being put into this. I should get some more details on what we’re actually doing here.
DAY TWO: Assault on fortress where nothing could go wrong
Well. I was right. The other two fucked up the plan almost immediately. Though, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a great plan. It took five tries to get the core concept down, and even then SOMEONE failed to mention that my job was physically impossible…I can cut chains and make gates fall open. I cannot levitate gates that are designed to be lifted! Somebody dropped the ball. I’m inclined to blame that Halfling. Seems like things that should be mentioned.
DAY BEFORE: How I got here
It’s not that I regret being a mercenary. It’s good times. I get to travel, meet interesting people, and there’s always someone that deserves to get blasted into oblivion. It’s good money too…
But lately? The quality of my, shall we say “compatriots” has been lacking.
This week, for instance, Parlfray says that he had some work for me. Something about his ancestral home and bandits. The old man always pays well though, so I wasn’t really worried about the details. I arrived to discover that I had been teamed up with tweedle dee and tweedle fucking moron. Again… These two guys almost got me killed on the last job I went on with them. Their version of checking for traps on artifacts is “Oh, I’ll just stick my hand in it!” Almost got their damn hand cut off, and still triggered the trap in the room. Here’s hoping this time is different.
DAY ONE: Meeting my new best friends
Luckily, it turned out that we were only part of a larger group of hired help. Parlfray has apparently worked with these guys before and they’ve gotten results. From the looks of them, they can probably handle themselves. They even have a healer with them! Looks like these guys are in it for the long haul, which is good. Get rich quick types usually just end up getting dead quicker.
We met up with a local Ranger named Cooper too. This must be fairly important if there is so much man power being put into this. I should get some more details on what we’re actually doing here.
DAY TWO: Assault on fortress where nothing could go wrong
Well. I was right. The other two fucked up the plan almost immediately. Though, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a great plan. It took five tries to get the core concept down, and even then SOMEONE failed to mention that my job was physically impossible…I can cut chains and make gates fall open. I cannot levitate gates that are designed to be lifted! Somebody dropped the ball. I’m inclined to blame that Halfling. Seems like things that should be mentioned.
Anyway. We sent a small contingent around the back to take out the guard tower. The rest of the party waited across the field for our signal. Unfortunately, (Guys name) triggered a trap almost immediately and alerted the guys in the keep to their presence. Totally shocked! Man, I hate those guys. Apparently he almost died, because he set off ANOTHER trap almost immediately afterwards. Got shot into the air and impaled on a spear. Lucky that healer was around. He seems alright.
Felisin, who is batshit insane btw, made it around to the back with Alton, the Halfling. We manage to scale the wall with Altons rope, and begin sneaking across the roofs to take out the tower and open the gate. We quickly realized, well “I” quickly realized, that the plan wasn’t going to work, since the gate mechanics were not adequately researched. But we made do.
Using the ropes, we managed to get Cooper and then, slowly, the rest of the party, up onto the roofs. I provided covering fire with Felisin from the rooftops while our healer jumped into the fray (yes, you read that right) leaving our professional warrior watching from the rooftops grumbling about strategy or something. Apparently, though, being healed had inspired an insane amount of loyalty in (guys names), but no extra intelligence, because the two dumbasses leaped to the defense of Hawkeye with zero forethought. They took on several guys, as well as guard dogs, and quite frankly if it hadn’t been for Cooper they would have gotten slaughtered. Felisin and I rained down death and destruction from above the whole time.
She may have taken it a BIT too far with the lighting of every flammable surface on fire, but you can’t argue with her results. It all, sort of, worked out, but I’m really worried about Mautilis, the Warblade. Pretty sure this guys has seen some shit, and he kind of froze up. Might have to relegate him to carrying the supplies and watching the horses until he gets his shit together. Everyone kept saying that “Susan” was doing that, but they kept just letting the horses wander around with this pony alone. Really bad idea.
Anyway, after we cleared out the fort, we managed to capture one of the bandits and discovered that the real power behind the group was holed up in the basement. Looks like the fun is just getting started!
If we make it through this, I’m going to see about getting away from (Those guys names) and joining up with these guys. Pretty sure Hawkeye and Alton would be interested. Felisin probably wouldn’t notice beyond the average amount of combustible material in her vicinity rising slightly. Mautilis may not be aware of what’s actually going on right now. Still not quite sure what happened back there.
Dustin (Mautilis) Day 11-12 - the next session
(ed. After a flammable fake hostage situation, the party gets some info from Heydrus, the bitch boy for the bandits in charge of the keep. He scrawls them a map of the basement where the priest of Cyric is holed up. The party ties him up despite his pleas to flee. Kuiper keeps an eye on both Heydrus and the courtyard from a rooftop while the party descends.)
“Should we leave?”
“Yes.”
“K.”
One week later.
“Fires are still burning?”
“We really fucked them up. The doors I mean."
“Yeah… Hey. Map indicates stairs. We totally forgot about this one room or two. I bet that’s where the stairs are.”
“K. Let’s check it out.”
Alton pushes everyone aside. “I’ll lead the way, guys!”
“To the ancient evil? Sure fine."
Two minutes later.
“GUYS I AM ALMOST DEAD FROM AN UNEXPECTED GARROTING.”
“Fuckin shit balls.” Mautilis jumps down.
“A WOMAN LAUGHS AT ME.”
Felisin and others follow. “I’ll burn a dog!” she says. Dog is burnt, and allows us to see what would appear to be a zombie conga line.
“Ai yi yi yi yi yi yi!”
“Wait, what was that?”
“Kuiper’s battle cry.”
“He has a battle cry?”
“Maybe he’s actually crying.”
“Plausible."
“You guys handle the zombies and all that."
Alton, Larry, and Felisin (ALF) go back up to check on Kuiper, who was keeping watch on the surface, near the gate. Larry sees two orcs run towards the front gate; turning the corner, Kuiper is in trouble, prone, spread eagle, and at the mercy of the orcs and their battle axes.
“Don’t worry Kuiper, we’ll sa—…no? Let him die? You got it.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Kuiper FUCKING DIES.
Someone mutters a word sharply in a strange language, causing the area to be filled with a black fog.
“The hell is going on!” Alton goes blind.
“OMG.” Felisin’s jaw drops. “Guys. You’re not going to believe this.”
“You’re like Red Herring in a Pup Named Scooby Doo except with even less supporting evidence?”
“No, can you not hear it? It’s the flapping!”
“Flapping! Well call the fucking coast guard.”
“No, yes, they can help with the ship.”
“You…you’re like Don Quixote, except there’s not even a windmill to imagine into a monster. It’s like you’re seeing windmills instead of the actual enemies that are real. You’re a reverse Don Quixote. That’s the worst kind of Don Quixote.”
Alton
nods fervantly. “Yes, it’s the ship, I can see it! It’s there!” Alton
is pointing at bloated body lying next to the well. He laughs like a
child, full of wonderment. “I totally see it! Flap flap! Flap flap flap!
HAHAHAA!” Blind, guys. He's blind.
“Smoothing sailing from here on out, guys!"
Naw but seriously, Felisin fucked that floating guy up, the zombie conga line vanished, and we gots some serious loot. Also some keys.
“Give me wings and I’ll fly down the poop hole.” — Alton
“Smoothing sailing from here on out, guys!"
Naw but seriously, Felisin fucked that floating guy up, the zombie conga line vanished, and we gots some serious loot. Also some keys.
“Give me wings and I’ll fly down the poop hole.” — Alton
Session Loot Recap
(ed. After leaving the keep with heaps of loot Jeff and Chris put up a shared excel doc with all the items. The party kinda sorta voted on who got what by vote then random rolls and debate determined in case of ties, full loot list and char sheets below.)
EXP- Party Rewards
Battle for the Keep: EL9 900EXP for all party members and Jahn/Tamer
4 dogs and 10 bandits
Dungeon Battle: EL9 936EXP for all party members and Jahn/Tamer
1 crazy lady, 2 dogs, 1 Cyricist Flyingdutchman, 2 orcs, zombie conga line
EXP- RP and Individual Goals
Alton managing to get through a field full of traps 5 times in a row with some lucky rolls- 25EXP
Mautilis RP steadfastly refusing to participate in a plan he didn't like- 50EXP
Felisin surviving- 50EXP
Ongoing Points of Interest Log
- Discover the purpose of the bandit/Cyricist/Orc presences in Haranshire.
- Parlfray Keep/Howlers Moor- Dwarf congregation missing. (Count Parlfray)
- Shar's evil priest slaying Parlfray's men in Hardlow woods long ago(TOG)
- Demihumans in The Great Rock Dale (TOG)
- Shiraz in the Eelhold (from Garyld)
- Determining the cause of the New Mire spread (Carman)
- Issues with remains of goblin tribe
- Shrieken Mire? (TOG)
- Exploring Garlstone Mine
- What happened to Houra?
